Jumpgate: Truely Tabloid - Public Works discovers strange manhole cover trend

August 14, 2000: Public Works discovers strange manhole cover trend

Johnny Quaker is the chief assistant supervisor of manhole covers for the Region of Ottawa-Carleton, and over the last few weeks reports that manhole covers in the region where being welded shut or glued shut with a compound simular to "crazy glue". The police have no information as to who is doing this or why, however they did rule out foul play.

While the police were looking into this, Mr. Quaker ploted the sites of the welded and glued manhole covers onto a map to the Region in his computer, assigning two different colours to represent welding or glueing.

In a Jumpgate Exclusive, Mr. Quaker revealed that the shape created by the computer using the information gathered closely resembled the Timmins, Ontario born country superstar Shania Twain.

"I couldn't believe my eyes - but there she was. This is almost as strange as crop circles.", said Quaker during the phone interview, "This has got to be the work of either aliens or college students."

Jumpgate attempted to contact Ms. Twain, but unfortunately she was unavailable for comment. We were also unable to find any aliens for comment, or any sober college students for that matter, although one student observed "Shania Twain may be a hottie, but why would I waste my time doing that when I could be playing Driver on my Playstation? I bet this Quaker guy did it."

If anyone has any information regarding this, or can get a statement from aliens, please contact Jumpgate as quickly as possible.

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