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Oct 3, 2000 - Two Words Saves Earth

Jumpgate saves the world from a possible alien invasion by replying to this message:

"We have mustard you lingo age. We arse Whoopass. Mean alien wit soup period no ledge. As you say, you will be ass simulated. Resistors are fertile. Your gone is no matches four our weep on. You plan it will cramp bull in Whoopass fang hers. Not heaving Horny Swap-an-egg-her (however you spill), House-tin Pow-hers, Weed-All Yank-her-fish, or Jock-key Channel shave you You Man! You will pear rich! Ha! Ha!"

Photo: A "Red Neck" Whoopass Alien

The message was transmitted near the planet Venus. Our reply to this message have left the Whoopass aliens confused and depressed. Our sources say they are searching for us throughout the galaxy, since invading a world with no one there is a sign of weakness. Here was our reply (which we thought would get us in all kinds of trouble): "We laugh."

We soon got another message from the Whoopass:

"How dare you laugh on us!!! Oh, sorry. For got you gone. Dang!"

We urge everyone not to reply to any Whoopass messages (they are easy to spot). We estimate they will travel from Venus to Mars, and head towards Pluto. That should keep them busy for a while. If they ever find out the truth, the Earth shall, as the Whoopasses say, pear rich!