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February 6, 2001 - Polka Music is a creation of Satan!

Truely Tabloid has learned after much research and undercover work that lively dance, the Polka, is in fact a creation of Satan. To support this, we will disclose all the facts.

A little background information from a pro-Polka web site:
http://www.centralhome.com/ballroomcountry/polka.htm

"Polka is defined as a vivacious couple dance of Bohemian origin in double time was a basic pattern of hop-step-close-step; a lively Bohemian dance tune in 2/4 time.

The polka was originally a Czech peasant dance, developed in Eastern Bohemia (now part of Czechoslovakia). Bohemian historians believe that the polka was invented by a peasant girl (Anna Slezak, in Labska Tynice in 1834) one Sunday for her amusement. It was composed to a folk song "Strycek Nimra Koupil Simla (Uncle Nimra brought a white horse)." Anna called the step "Madera" because of its quickness and liveliness.

The dance was first introduced into the ballrooms of Prague in 1835. The name of the dance (pulka) is Czech for "half-step", referring to the rapid shift from one foot to the other."

Anna Slezak was a locally suspected as a follower of Satan. Once the polka was introduced in Prague (1835), the village folk of Labska Tynice quickly moved to cover up the hellish evidence pointing to the star of the village, Anna Slezak, and bringing the whole village into Satan's fold.

After careful research into kinesiopsychcology, the study of human movement and its effects on the mind, it was revealed that the movements involved in the polka dance made subjects extremely susceptible to suggestion while releasing endorphines into the bloodstream (a chemical that brings pleasure).

In fact, one of our test subjects still cries in terror when he sees the "golden arches", insisting that a giant platypus is coming to destroy the city. Unfortunately, we have been unable to remove the programing, however, it is still quite amusing to witness the subject attempt to convince everyone of the impending threat.

With this evidence in one hand, and the evidence that Anna Slezak was a Satanist, working to provide her dark lord with more souls in the other, it is plainly obvious that she was using the popularity of the polka to spread the word of Satan.

More from the pro-polka web site:
http://www.centralhome.com/ballroomcountry/polka.htm

"In 1840, Raab, a dancing teach of Prague, danced the polka at the Odéon Theatre in Paris where it was a tremendous success. Parisian dancing teachers seized on the new dance and refined it for their salons and ballrooms. According to Cellarius, the famous French dancing master of the mid-nineteenth century: "What young man is there, although formerly most opposed to dancing, whom the polka has not snatched from his apathy to acquire, willy-nilly, a talent suddenly become indispensable?" Polkamania resulted. Dance academies were swamped and in desperation recruited ballet girls from the Paris Opéra as dancing partners to help teach the polka. This naturally attracted many young men who were interested in things other than dancing, and manners and morals in the dance pavilions deteriorated. Dancing developed a bad name and many parents forbade their daughters dancing with any but close friends of the family."

As you can see, the polka was directly responsible for the erosion of morals and manners on the students who were learning the polka. It was also clearly responsible for the largest increase in incestuous acts in nearly half a century.

The sheer rapidity that polka gained popularity aided the spread of the tendrils of Satanism and satanic tendencies, across mid-19th Europe and America.

One of our intrepid researchers went as far as to pose the question to the Dark Lord himself. You could not image our surprise when we received a reply from Satan.

Truely Tabloid:
"Satan, can you confirm or deny that you were responsible for giving your follower, Anna Slezak the idea for Polka music to spread the word of your teachings?"

Satan:
Must I? Do you know what kind of headaches and frustration my "sub-servients" down here give me?
They whine about being slave driven. They whine about the heat and the stench. How the hours seem like an eternity. The mind-numbing, thankless, back breaking toil. Politics. Computers. Microsoft. They whine and complain about everything! And I've tried almost as much to shut them up!!!
I'm sorry but in order to get things done, unfortunately this is how its gotta be.
But I digress. As to your question: Until I get the proper records from the legal department, you can assume that ---
Yes. I did create Polka music.
However, if memory serves, I did not create Polka to gain converts -- although that is an interesting slant on the issue and is likely to have been Anna's own initiative. I created Polka to bring some sort of solitude to my tortured soul, and drown out the whines, complaints and mindless yammering of the idiotic and pitiful sods down here.

So folks, there you have it; definitive evidence that Satan was involved the creation of Polka. We would thank all those involved in this great piece of community service, and for risking everything - even their immortal souls.

Remember everyone, don't listen to Polka! Your soul is on the line!